


all caught up in lovestruck hands

by benditlikepress



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Family, Family Fluff, plus a baby!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26528002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benditlikepress/pseuds/benditlikepress
Summary: Ziva wakes up to find the bed empty beside her.
Relationships: Ziva David/Anthony DiNozzo
Comments: 25
Kudos: 74





	all caught up in lovestruck hands

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indestinatus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indestinatus/gifts).



> title is from seventeen hands by the maccabees <3

Sleepless nights were something of a lifelong past-time for Ziva, but even for her she thought it might be a new record when she woke up within 10 minutes of falling asleep.

Instinctively she reached out to the bassinet by the side of the bed, but found it empty. It was then she realised the bed beside her was vacant, too. A swift feeling of panic rose as she felt around in the dark, something she knew would likely stay with her for a while. New, though, was the way she adjusted back to normal within a couple of seconds, barely having to run logical options through her head.

It took her a few moments to get to her feet, exhaustion and post-birth aches still prevalent, before she started to step through the house to the opposite end of the corridor.

Ziva took a moment to check in on Tali as she passed her room, opening the door as silently as she could. Sleep was one thing Tali struggled with, so much so that Tony and Ziva had elected to switch her bedroom in the hopes it would decrease her chances of having nights disturbed by the baby crying. She appeared to be fast asleep, back to the door, so Ziva didn’t go in any further to disturb her.

The door at the end of the hall was slightly ajar, and Ziva poked it open as she stepped inside.

At the other end of the room was a nursing chair Ziva had bought from a woman at work a couple of months ago. Tony was sat on it with his back to her, facing the window, and the chair was rocking slowly backwards and forwards. As she approached the chair she saw, predictably, the bundle held in his arms.

Ziva smiled at what was swiftly threatening to become a routine.

"Thought I would find you in here."

“We really have to stop meeting like this.” He turned his head to look towards her. His hair was standing a little on end where he’d run his hands through it. "What are you doing up?"

"Could not sleep. Did he wake up again?" Ziva checked the time: it had only been half an hour since she last fed him.

"Uh-huh. You weren't ready for sleep yet, huh, Caleb?"

"Here, let me try again."

"Hey, he's fine. He's not hungry, he just wanted some attention. Man after my own heart."

"Except you would never turn down food."

Ziva stroked Tony's shoulders as she leaned over him to look at Caleb's face, his eyes drooping closed. She stared at their son's delicate features: miniature replicas of his father's nose and mouth and his smattering of dark hair.

"You should be asleep." Tony turned his head to rest his lips on her hands and she moved it to poke him in the shoulder.

"I want you with me."

"Look, he's almost asleep now. I'll stay here until he needs feeding."

"It is not good for your back sleeping like that, he has to sleep in his bassinet sometime."

Ziva knew he’d take more convincing than that when he turned back to Caleb. Even from behind she could see his eyes fixated on him in a way that spread warmth in her chest. "Sure. Sometime."

"You will not be able to hold him forever."

"Yes, I will." Tony said to Caleb, who raised a fist towards him that Tony pretended to bite. When Ziva didn't respond, he turned his head up to look at her. "What?"

"I think our children are very lucky to have a father like you."

Never at any point before Tali was born had Ziva dared herself to daydream about Tony as a father. Even when she’d found out she was pregnant she pushed the thoughts away desperately, trying anything to convince herself it was the right thing to do. Fear could be a powerful motivator.

That first day in the hospital, asleep with Tali in the crib next to her, she’d dreamed about him holding her. For the next couple of years, until Sahar, she’d allowed herself to wonder what he’d be like as a father. Whether he’d be the good cop or the bad cop, if he’d take Tali’s side against Ziva during playfights, if he’d be the type of parent who’d get up in the night to watch the baby breathing.

It was unfair, she knew, that she’d denied him the opportunity to find all of that out for himself when she was first born. He’d been thrown in at the deep end with Tali, no time to breathe, and now with the new baby she knew the both of them were seeing it as an opportunity to sit back and relax. To be able to enjoy time, the four of them together, where neither of them had to worry about invisible threats lingering over their shoulders.

The sentence seemed to take Tony by surprise, and his eyes widened a little before he smiled.

“You shouldn’t be leaning like that. Sit down, here.” Tony began to get up but Ziva stopped him, instead perching herself carefully on the arm of the chair.

"Nope, that’s not happening. Compromise." Tony tilted his head across the room and Ziva followed the gesture to the sofa bed against the back wall. They'd been storing it in here while re-organising the house, and Ziva got an inkling that if they didn't move it soon, when Caleb transitioned into his own room Tony would try to persuade her to have them both sleep in here with him.

Ziva stood up again slowly from the arm of the chair and moved to the sofa, sitting down with a care she was still struggling to get used to. Tony walked just as slowly, watching Caleb’s face intently.

When he sat down next to Ziva he seemed cautious not to sit too tightly against her, but she shuffled up closely into his side.

"I am alright, you know."

"I know. But if you think I'm gonna let the mother of my kids sit on that wooden arm after what I witnessed last week you've got another thing coming."

"I suppose by 'what you witnessed' you mean the miracle of childbirth, yes?"

"The miracle is that you recovered from Tali in the last 6 years, let alone this one."

“I think somebody told me once that your brain blocks it out. If we remembered how bad it was, we would never have another child.”

“Thanks to your brain, then, I guess.” Tony smiled and then frowned and turned to look at her. Ziva could see an eyelash loose on the top of his cheek from where he’d rubbed his eyes.

“What are you thinking about?”

"Is it weird to say thank you in general?"

"I don't think so."

"Thank you. Thanks for.. giving me this. I never really got to say it because things were obviously how they were with Tali so we couldn't talk while it was fresh in my mind but.. I've always wanted this, y'know."

"I know you have."

"I wanted it with _you_. Not that I ever told you as much."

Ziva chuckled and dipped her head to his shoulder, kissing through his shirt and then looking down at Caleb. Sleep deprivation was always a powerful motivator for honesty.

"He could be practically in middle school by now, if we had said something. Tali would be a teenager."

"Is it weird I think this is better? I know, god, all the crap that's happened. All that time apart. But I think if we'd been together back then... I don't know." He trailed of and looked self-conscious for a moment, though Ziva wasn’t sure why. Perhaps there were still some things he was cautious about bringing up.

"We would have been fighting the urge to self-sabotage."

"Yeah, I guess that's accurate."

"I understand what you mean. I would never wish that upon us, but I think I feel closer to you now than I ever would have done had things gone another way."

"The dream team."

"I already know what you are like without sleep, or when someone has been screaming in your ear for hours."

"What about me knowing you, huh? Acting like you're the innocent one." His free hand poked her in the side gently before settling back underneath Caleb’s back. Ziva faked indignation.

“I have always handled sleep deprivation well, I am not sure what you mean.”

“Alright, if that’s what we’re going with.”

Ziva laughed quietly, being careful not to jostle Tony or the baby he was cradling with such natural affection. Again, as it had periodically since she found out she was pregnant, Ziva was struck by the reminder that this was all new for him.

“I am glad you are here, Tony. Really.” She leaned up to his arm as she said the words, squeezing it a little as she looked down at Caleb and then back up at his eyes.

“Me too.”

“I do not want to..” Ziva hesitated, knowing they’d gone over old ground so much already in the last few months having made a promise once Caleb was here to keep it in the past. “I am not sure how I ever did it without you.”

“You don’t have to think about that now. None of you do.”

“I know. You will always be here.”

“You say that now - wait until this time next week.” Tony’s face soured again as he thought about going back to work. His newfound pastime as a parental leave advocate was not something Ziva would’ve predicted from him in the past, but made perfect sense with the man he was now. She ran her hand up his arm.

“We are going to be fine.”

“Maybe I should just retire. Be a stay-at-home dad.”

“Is that a serious thought, or a 2am thought?”

Tony smiled. “Nah, I know I’d drive you crazy within a week. I need things to do. I just don’t know how I’m gonna leave you for 8 hours.”

“I think it is supposed to be me who worries about being alone with the children, not you worrying about leaving us.”

“I’m not _worried_ , I just.. I don’t know. I don’t wanna leave you guys.”

“I know.”

“Maybe I can get reduced hours once you go back to work. I don’t want to not be around all the time when they’re still young.”

The admission was straight and simple, though Ziva knew it was rooted in a childhood of emotional neglect by a father who had mercifully managed to turn over a new leaf. She smiled at him. “If that is what you want, we would make it work.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. We would like to have you around more. And I am afraid Tali will get very bored with just me in the house while I am on leave.”

“That’s why you have more kids. They can entertain each other.”

“Oh that is why, is it?”

“Uh-huh. So you better start pulling your weight, Caleb. We’re relying on you.” He was still speaking softly, but the amused affection in his voice shone through with a force that threatened to make Ziva’s eyes fill. He was interrupted by the sound of a strangely loud yawn emanating from the baby's open mouth. Both of them laughed in disbelief.

"Alright, I see how it is. I'll shut up, huh?"

"That is why he is the favourite Anthony. He is pulling rank."

"Number 3 behind Caleb Anthony and my dad, I'll take it."

"Hush." Ziva went to kiss him but something stopped her - the charm of a twinkle in his eyes keeping her fixed on them. The gaze lingered for a long second.

"I love you."

He had a habit of saying it out of the blue. Something unexpected and yet so expected from how he'd always been: capable of such sincerity in words, even when he'd tried to mask it.

She smiled, as she always did instinctively at the words. “You too.”

His grin stuck as he looked away. "You check on her?"

"Fast asleep."

"Good. I thought this might throw her off, but she's slept through most nights, huh?"

"Hm. Lucky for some." Tony chuckled. "She has handled all of this well. Do you think?"

"Yeah. I was worried it was still a little soon after we settled down. That she might get jealous, or take a step back."

“I think as soon as he can move around by himself we’ll be fighting to keep them apart.”

Caleb’s own eyes were open again, as though he’d got a second wind. Ziva smiled and ran a finger over his hair.

“He never wants to sleep, does he?”

“I know. Thank god he isn’t much of a crier.”

“Tali would sleep for days if I had let her. He is more like you, yes? I remember you saying.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember my mom telling me how I used to lie wide awake for as long as possible.”

“I will try not to hold it against you as the sleep deprivation builds.”

“Right, I’m sure you will. I guess I should start keeping clothes in here just in case.” Tony raised his eyebrows at Ziva and she shook her head at him with a smile, leaning in to kiss him. When she pulled back Tony looked back down at Caleb, who’s eyes were drooping again. “This is gonna be your room one day, buddy. And I bet if you’re super cute, your sister will even stop playing her spy games in here.”

“She is not doing any harm.”

“Speak for yourself, I almost lost my life falling over one of her invisible lasers.”

“If you do not spot a blanket tied 3 foot in the air, I think that is your fault, not hers.”

Tony rolled his eyes. "I promised her the two of us could go swimming tomorrow. Get out of your hair for a little while."

"Neither of you are in my hair."

"I know. I just wanted to give her a little attention without telling her as much."

The simplicity of the statement, as much as anything else he’d said or done in the past week, made Ziva’s heart feel heavy with affection. She placed her arm over his shoulder and pulled the crown of his head towards her, kissing it and then allowing him to rest it on her neck.

“Would you stop looking at me like that?”

Ziva smirked into his hairline and pressed her lips to it again. "You have no idea how I am looking at you.”

“I do. Chicks dig dad's, huh?"

“Hmm. Particularly if they are quiet.” She signalled down to Caleb, who was finally fast asleep wrapped in Tony’s arms.

“Come on, come to bed.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. I cannot sleep unless you do, and you know both of us will be up when he is fed in 2 hours. We will only succeed in waking him up again."

“Alright, you win.”

Tony seemed to wait for Ziva to get up, but when she didn’t, turned to her with a frown.

"When I woke up, just for a split second, I thought.." Ziva's voice faded and after a moment Tony blinked and scrunched his face.

"God, Ziva, I'm sorry. I-"

"No, no. Do not apologise. What I mean is it was only for a split second. I barely had to think of rational explanations in my head before I accepted one."

"That's good."

"Yes. I think my brain is finally adjusting to this bring permanent. That this is not just a.. a happy interlude before the next thing happens. We are here, the three of us, and now Caleb is here it is like a reminder that this is not just temporary."

"You don't have to worry about it now, yeah? Nobody's looking for us. Nobody's trying to hurt us. Everyone's realised we're super boring and not worth the effort."

Ziva laughed, quietly subdued. "More fool them for ever believing differently."

"Exactly." He smiled at her plainly and she felt a little weight lift from her shoulders that she hadn't even known was there. Something that happened each day - a lightening of the burden of the last few decades.

"Thank you." She heard a tone of confusion in her voice as she whispered the words, as though she hadn't been expecting them.

"For what?"

"The usual."

"The usual, huh?" Tony smiled and went to adjust his arms but changed his mind when he looked down at the peacefully sleeping child. "Now, we getting up? I thought you said we should all go back to bed?"

"We should."

Ziva still didn't move, and Tony exhaled a quiet laugh and kissed her forehead as he stood up slowly.

Her reluctance to get up wasn’t just rooted in tiredness and dull aches, but also in the desire to stary frozen in this moment. She knew from Tali how quickly children grow up, and though she no longer felt every moment of her life had a time limit hanging over it she was just as determined to savour them.

When she eventually did make it to her feet, she placed her hand on Tony’s shoulder and felt the warmth through his shirt.


End file.
